By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Dear Readers, I’ve completed the first book in the series of I Do, I Don’t: How to Build a Better Marriage!
From inception in April of 2020 to it being sent off to the printer has been nearly three and half years! (I hope the next book goes more quickly.) I’m thrilled with this opportunity to provide tools and education to people around the globe. Launch date is April 2024.
Now, as an act of self-care, I’m going to take a month off from several of my commitments, including writing Couple’s Net. I’ll be back to you in October, refreshed.
In the meantime, I want to share a snippet of self-talk that might help when you find yourself ruminating. I’ve had trouble sleeping all my life. Recently, with the book deadline looming, that’s gotten worse. I’ve been waking up at 3 or 4 am, with my mind in a whirl. It’s been really hard to quiet it. A few days ago, during of one of the non-stop thinking/worrying episodes, these words came to me: And I forgive myself.
I felt my body instantly let down into relaxation, and my mind experienced a breath of fresh air.
There’s a lot of stress in the world and in people’s lives. Some of it we add to, and some is beyond our control. This self-talk works whether your stress is personal, inter-personal or global; and whether you are ‘at fault’ is not the point.
Saying to yourself, “And I forgive myself” can shift you from one track in your mind into a calmer, loving, quieter place. Try it now. Feel your feet on the floor. Let your body sink into your chair. Let your shoulders drop. Let your gut relax. Release your jaw. Relax your eyes. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
And I forgive myself . . .
Let this be a time of deep breathing. Let thoughts drift by like clouds. As new thoughts arise, picture them sitting on clouds that are floating away. Come back to deep breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
What healthy self-talk shifts your mind? What relaxes you? What helps you sleep?
