By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Most people are squeamish when it comes to thinking about their parents having sex, let alone grandparents. I’m happy to report that the conclusion is that sex is a lifelong opportunity.
“Poor sexual functioning and disagreements with a partner about initiating and/or feeling obligated to have sex were associated with greater concerns about and dissatisfaction with overall sex life. Levels of sexual activity decline with increasing age, although a sizable minority of men and women remain sexually active until the eighth and ninth decades of life.” According to a 2015 UK national research study, the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing (ELSA).
Poorer health was associated with lower levels of sexual activity and a higher prevalence of problems with sexual functioning, particularly among men. Difficulties most frequently reported by sexually active women related to becoming sexually aroused (32 %) and achieving orgasm (27 %), while for men it was erectile function (39 %).”
Not surprisingly, women say they value intimacy more than performance. That doesn’t seem to change much over the decades. As I’ve written about before, one of the few gender-distinct issues I see repeatedly is that women (of all ages) want to feel emotionally connected in order to have sex, while for men having sex helps them feel more emotionally connected.
How to bridge that gap? Make ‘bids for connection’ throughout the day. That way foreplay is a follow on to existing emotional connection, and may help women and men be able to shift from doing everything a busy life requires of them to slowing down and engaging in mutually satisfactory sex.
How do you make bids for connection?
