The first time I remember my mom telling me she was proud of me I was in the first grade. I won "Student of the Week." I don't know if it was the first time she told me, but it's the first time I remember. She continued to tell her kids whenever she was proud. It's important.

My mom was a complex person (read: undiagnosed mental illness, primarily depression). Her pet phrase was "shame on you" when one of my siblings did something that she disapproved of. I know I must have done something right, because she never said it to me. One of my sisters, who heard it a LOT, says it so often it has become her mantra. I don't know how I learned to say "I love you" to my mom but she learned to say it back to me. I don't know if she ever said it to any of my siblings. Being able to say it out loud and mean it, I do understand. I don't think my mom ever did. And I don't need any trophies for this but I am almost certain that nobody else ever told my mom that she was loved. She was ill all her life and I hope a little bit of love helped her in some way. PS your articles always make me think, but this one also made me cry. A good cry.

Jennifer, thanks for telling us about your mom's lifelong spoken pride in you. If you would be willing to share, how do you think that impacted your life?

MyFeelz, I don't know how you learned to say "I love you" at all. Maybe another loving adult in your family, or a great teacher? I'm glad you found ways to overcome "Shame on you." I am glad to hear that my articles make you think. Crying is healthy, too.

I learned it from a neighbor's mom (and her husband). I was her feral unnofficial child that she managed to tame. She had four boys, but she always had time for me. Even after I became an adult. I remember in 2003 I was road tripping and realized I was near their "winter home" in Florida. I stopped by, knocked on the door and it was like I never left. LA made the guest room ready for me and I was a kid all over again. Just enveloped in the sweet smell of the sheets covering me, and the soft mattress that felt like it was made out of fresh feathers. I barely slept. I spent the whole night writing a letter to her and her husband, citing all of the kindness and love that they were always willing to offer, and how it had changed my life. When her husband read it in the morning, he got a tear in his eye and choked out the words, "that's a keeper." He gave me one of his giant bear hugs that are unforgettable. Now that I'm an old person, and perceived to be a bi*ch, I think to myself, "How awful I could have really turned out to be, if not for LA and RA." And now in response to your article more fully, I think I have been faithful to the cause of letting people know how important they have been in my life at any and every age.

Great topic!

Chandrama, my mom's spoken pride of her children reminded me that she loved us and her pride in me gave me confidence.