By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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I’m going to share a piece I wrote in my mid-20s. You will see intergenerational wounds, and part of what I have had to work through in my own life. My husband tells me how amazing it is that I’m “so intact and emotionally available given what I came from”.
You’ll likely a recognize a few statements you might say now and again to your own child(ren). I hope for you and your kid’s sake that it’s not more than that. If it is, start making changes today.
Please remember it is never too late to work on yourself, to sort through family of origin issues.
Mom Said a Lot
Mommy said I love you
Mom said I’m busy, don’t bother me
Mom said go play outside
Mom said you’re too short to play basketball
Mommy said I’ll always be there
Mom said I’m going on strike
Mom said it’s Shithead’s [dad fault
Mommy said I love you
Mom said your father must not love you
Mom said I’m reading, sleeping, talking, go away, no
Mom said because I said so
Mommy said you’ll always know I love you
Mom said behind my back she’s a manic depressive
Mom said do you want to be like your father?
Mom said you’re just like your father
Mommy said see what a close family we are?
Mom said go to your room
Mommy said you’re such a good girl, not like your brother who is like Shithead
Mom said why can’t you be perfect like your sister?
Mom said it’s all your fault
Mommy said come sit on my lap Mommy stroked my forehead
Mom said come here [to my brother, with a 2” leather belt
Mom said I changed my mind
Mom said don’t go anywhere with your father
Mom said stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry for
Mommy said I’ll tell you the truth
Mom said I’m tired of you
Mom said I don’t like your hair like that
Mom said that’s the wrong color, choice, feeling
Mommy said I’m always here for you
Mom said I don’t want to hear that, deal with it, talk about it
Mom said I never said that
Mom said I don’t remember that
Mommy said I love you
Mom said a lot
