By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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I realized I have not written about porn, and that it would be a good idea to do so. This could be a huge topic with lots of offshoots, but mostly I want to share the simple truths I've seen and heard in my office over the years.
-She will find out.
-You will be in the dog house.
-It is a trust betrayal.
-It takes a long time to get over (i.e., work through).
-There probably won't be any sex for a while.
-She feels it means she's not enough for you.
-She finds it disgusting and demeaning.
-He finds it titillating.
-He doesn't think it's a big deal; most guys look at porn once in a while.
-His view: if she would have sex with me (once or twice a week), I would not need to look at porn.
-If she looked at porn, and then did the deed with me, I'd be a happy man.
-She looks at porn and I find it exciting.
-She looks at porn and I'm mortified.
-We both like porn and watch it together.
-We've never talked about porn.
As with every other topic, I recommend you talk about porn -- before it becomes an issue.
