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By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Couples: "101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married"
Uploaded: Nov 30, 2018
"101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married" by Charlie and Linda Bloom is a great book for couples. Each of the 101 things is about two pages long. My recommendation is to take this book with you on your weekly date (you are going on these, right?) and flip the book open to any section and read it together. Use it as a beginning of a conversation: What do you each think of the passage? How do you each feel about it? Is there a grain of truth in it for you? What opportunity is there for each of you to experiment with different behavior in relation to the topic?
I've noticed that over time couples get into patterns of what they talk about (work, kids, money, vacation, practical matters, etc.). When you were first dating and so curious to know everything about each other, your range of topics may have been broader, and I invite you to get to know each other again.
On your weekly dates, leave the daily topics behind. While it may be a struggle at first to talk about more intimate topics (yes, this may include sex, yet intimate means more than sex), it's worth it. We do have to work on our relationships. While fairy tales say, "and they lived happily ever after," I haven't yet met a couple that is living happily without talking and creating intimate connection.
"101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married" covers the range of topics that can lead to happily ever after.
Democracy.
What is it worth to you?
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