By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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A recent New York Times article: The Lark-Owl Scale: When Couples’ Sleep Patterns Diverge, talks about each person’s innate sleep pattern, called a “sleep chronotype, an internal timing profile” and that trying to alter it to spend more time with your partner may cause difficulties in daily living. The article goes on to say that differing sleep patterns may be helpful to couples in that they may have time to go out with girlfriends or get alone time to exercise, or do other favored activities.
If you’ve been reading Couple’s Net, you know I advocate going to bed together at least three nights a week in order to have couple time for intimacy, talking, cuddling, and/or sex. Whether you stay in bed after your partner goes to sleep is a different issue.
The reports I have gotten back from those who are going to bed together more often are two-fold: they feel closer to their spouse, and they are getting more sleep, which is reducing stress, and they feel better overall.
Many people are on devices in the evening, which is akin to telling our brains that is daylight and time to be awake. A couple of suggestions are:
- Turn off devices by 8PM
- While more research needs to be done, there are indicators that wearing orange-tinted glasses (cutting out the blue spectrum of light which leads to decreased melatonin), will help one get sleepy, even if on devices.
- F.lux, Twilight, Bluelight or other apps can be used on your device rather than wearing orange glasses.
As I generally recommend, experiment and see what works for you and your beloved.
