By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Take care of your relationship.
I realize that sounds simplistic, but it’s not. Love is created by many small acts, and grows.
Many of the couples we see at Connect2 Marriage Counseling didn’t address issues or concerns early on. Patterns were created that didn’t serve them as a couple.
It’s so easy for that to happen. We go along with our day-to-day lives, and something bothers us, but we overlook it because it doesn’t seem to be a big deal.
Eventually, many of these small deals turn into big deals, and now we don’t know how to talk about it because we are resentful. It is much easier to resolve issues while they are malleable and easier to talk about.
If you are feeling or behaving in any of the following ways, please take care of your relationship NOW:
- Lacking connection
- Loss of intimacy (defined as closeness as well as sex)
- Poor communication
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
- Stonewalling (shutting out your beloved)
- Emotional or physical betrayal
- Your partner doesn’t have your back
- Not seeking comfort
- Home is no longer a haven that gives you strength in the world
- Not giving each other support and empathy
- Don’t feel seen or heard
- Fighting
- Misunderstood
