By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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"Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, then to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such." -- Henry Milller
When I read this quote, it struck a chord for me about couples and the desire to just keep going without acknowledging or working on issues when things aren't going well in your relationship.
That somehow you can just ignore or outrun or out-work or out-device the communication issues or lack of intimacy. That somehow you can shut your eyes, run away, deny, denigrate or despise, sweep under the rug. And yet as Henry Miller says, it defeats you in the end. Individually and as a couple.
While working on your marriage may be a lot of effort and it actually is a type of work, it is also a path of greater self-knowledge and growth for each of you and your relationship; leading to a source of beauty, joy and strength ? a stronger marriage than you had before.
Accepting life unquestioningly doesn't necessarily mean letting it go on as is: it means facing what is, understanding what we can and can not do about it, and taking action toward beauty, joy, and strength.
