By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Isn't it true that everywhere we go these days people are talking, texting, scrolling and swiping on devices? I find myself wondering if we had this much to say before we had these devices? I don't recall being on our landlines telephones constantly . . .
And yet, is it possibly true that couples talk and communicate less now that there are so many communication devices?
Have you noticed that devices give couples additional mediums in which to fight? Do you think arguments via text and/or email is on the rise?
A few experiments:
1. Set aside time to talk and hang out face-to-face with devices off or in another room
2. Keep devices out of your bedroom (keep it for sleeping and sex)
3. Send lovey-dovey texts/emails to each other
4. Send appreciation texts/emails to each other
5. If you forget and send a fight text/email, follow it up with a new message that is aimed for repair of the relationship (oops, let me start again)
6. If you receive a fight text/email, reply after your defensiveness has dropped. Make it a step toward connection vs. continuing or escalating the argument (hmm, that didn't go well, let's start again)
