By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...
(More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.)
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Here's a follow on to my last piece about focusing on today, and not waiting until tomorrow, which never comes. I received an article that was written by hospice worker Bonnie Ware; she lists the Top Five Regrets of The Dying (which is now a book: www.hayhouse.com/the-top-five-regrets-of-the-dying).
Here's the list without her detailed explanations:
"1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier."
Maybe there are others wishes you would have for you own list.
Consider writing a list that is not of regrets, but of a plan of how to live, for as long as we each have. Here's an example, based on Ware's list; add your own:
1. I have the courage to live a life true to myself and my marriage that is filled with integrity.
2. I work hard enough and engage in life with those around me.
3. I express my feelings and listen and give empathy as others express their feelings.
4. I spend quality time with my friends and loved ones.
5. I let myself be happy and leave happiness in my wake.
